More Nonsense from our Elected "Leadership"

Just when you think it's safe to go outside...

The last week or so I've been basking in the afterglow of my victory in the war on crime here in Baltimore. As you know, since I started the "DIS-believe" campaign, the homicide rate has fallen from nearly one a day to almost zero. Thats right. Unless someone gets capped between now and the evening news... we will have had a week without some drug dealer or Greenmount Avenue "ho" catching one in the head.

And it's all thanks to me.

But now, it looks like I'm going to have to swing into action once again. The latest news from Baltimore City Mayor Sheila Dixon is that because Baltimore is in danger of sinking into the harbour under the weight of its own garbage... something needs to be done.

And that something is... get ready...

We're going to spend $2 million dollars on another ad campaign with the catchy slogan "Don't make excuses. Make a difference." That's right. You can expect the city to begin sprouting billboards to this effect.

Pardon my profanity but... My slogan would read something like "Baltimore is a Shitter because You Litter."

Personally I think my slogan would not only meet the target audience at a comfortable reading level... it would also raise awareness by garnering more press buzz.

The problem is they'll never use my idea... even after my success at ending crime downtown. Why? Couldn't tell you. I suspect somebody on the city council must have a brother-in-law working in an ad agency.

To recap the past effectiveness of Baltimore sloganeering... the "Baltimore: The City the Reads" campaign has left us with the third lowest graduation rate in the country. The "Believe" campaign, before I effectively ended it, gave us the distinction of having one of the nation's highest per capita murder rates.

So... going on our track record... the new anti-garbage sloganeering will have Baltimore knee-deep in trash by Christmas.

And you know what... if Dixon gets re-elected... which is a probability at this stage-- Baltimore will deserve everything it gets.