Tom passed away back in November. He is sorely missed by all those who knew him. This piece of Tom-foolery was actually written over a year ago. It's reposted here in tribute.
"These days, getting my father to quick draw a six-gun for pictures is a little like getting Pavarotti into a wetsuit-- it's tough to do, dangerous, and by the time you're done you're wondering why you did it.
Dad's favorite lament, usually made at completely inappropriate times so as to maximize its comedic affect, was to say, "Gee, son... *sigh* the things you see when you're unarmed....". Ah, the memories are just flooding back to me now.
There was a time, before Dad took to waving a .357 magnum around "just to impress Mom and us kids" that he was an alright guy... went to work every day, paid the bills, and always had a kiss for us as he was coming in the door.
Then, he went to work for the Australian Wheat Board... and my how things changed.
Suddenly, the mere mention of Australia's nitrogen management practices being perhaps short-sighted with respect to hybrid genomes in domesticated grasses would have him reaching for a shotgun... and don't even get me started about the time he plugged the neighbor's cat over a dispute involving seed dormancy and vernalisation cycles.
I remember the day Mom said, "Larry, you watch yourself around your father today. His policy speech about starch-branding didn't go over well with the boys in Canberra... and I think he's had a few."
Good advice. No sooner had the words left her mouth ... Dad's in the back yard with his shirt off loading up his .45 cal Winchester with the 9x scope. The whole time I'm standing there he's taking potshots overhead and muttering stuff about Magpies crappin' on his prize-winning hydroponically grown, cross-bred phosphorescent germination experiments (so farmers could harvest at night I suppose).
Geez... he could be a jerk sometimes.
The cops came about an hour later saying they got a 911 call about a possible terrorist. We might have been okay if Dad hadn't come back outside wanting to "feel" the officer's gun.
The next day, the Australian Wheat Board sent him to Iraq and made him Chairman."
"These days, getting my father to quick draw a six-gun for pictures is a little like getting Pavarotti into a wetsuit-- it's tough to do, dangerous, and by the time you're done you're wondering why you did it.
Dad's favorite lament, usually made at completely inappropriate times so as to maximize its comedic affect, was to say, "Gee, son... *sigh* the things you see when you're unarmed....". Ah, the memories are just flooding back to me now.
There was a time, before Dad took to waving a .357 magnum around "just to impress Mom and us kids" that he was an alright guy... went to work every day, paid the bills, and always had a kiss for us as he was coming in the door.
Then, he went to work for the Australian Wheat Board... and my how things changed.
Suddenly, the mere mention of Australia's nitrogen management practices being perhaps short-sighted with respect to hybrid genomes in domesticated grasses would have him reaching for a shotgun... and don't even get me started about the time he plugged the neighbor's cat over a dispute involving seed dormancy and vernalisation cycles.
I remember the day Mom said, "Larry, you watch yourself around your father today. His policy speech about starch-branding didn't go over well with the boys in Canberra... and I think he's had a few."
Good advice. No sooner had the words left her mouth ... Dad's in the back yard with his shirt off loading up his .45 cal Winchester with the 9x scope. The whole time I'm standing there he's taking potshots overhead and muttering stuff about Magpies crappin' on his prize-winning hydroponically grown, cross-bred phosphorescent germination experiments (so farmers could harvest at night I suppose).
Geez... he could be a jerk sometimes.
The cops came about an hour later saying they got a 911 call about a possible terrorist. We might have been okay if Dad hadn't come back outside wanting to "feel" the officer's gun.
The next day, the Australian Wheat Board sent him to Iraq and made him Chairman."
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