Back in the 1980s the US Army awarded me the classification "Eleven Bravo". This classification meant that in case of war... as a combat infantryman I would be among the first to have the honor of laying down my life for the country. And in as much as I was not quite enamored at the prospect, I was careful to pay attention to world events so at least I'd know who was doing the shooting.
To this day I remember one Sergeant telling my squad that if we didn't shape up, the Army was going to drop us in between China and Vietnam (who were in the midst of a pretty nasty firefight at the time) and let both sides take shots at us. Being a pretty hep cat, I wasn't too worried about it because I thought the chances of my squad getting sent anywhere were small. So China missed its chance to have a go at one Private Russell.
Seems they've been having a go at me afterall. Those crafty Chinese have been selling fake Colgate toothpaste to us unwitting Americans. Not only is the toothpaste fake but it contains all kinds of pleasant chemical ingredients... like anti-freeze. Yuck. Just for kicks I thought I'd check to see if I had one of these fake tubes and ...sure enough, I did.
Before you freak out and start running for the medicine cabinet, in all fairness I didn't buy it here in the States. I bought my bogus Colgate in Australia. Still, it may be worth checking when you have a moment. The label is a tip-off. In addition to misspelled words, it won't have the official ADA seal.
So I've been brushing my teeth with fake-o Colgate. Sure, my teeth are white... but I've been poisoning myself for weeks.
On a positive note, I've noticed that I don't have any trouble getting started on cold mornings.
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